Friday, January 09, 2009

The most embarrassing children EVER!

Do you remember when your children were only eighteen months old? When they really couldn't do anything to embarrass you? Even when they had an explosion in their pants and ended up with crap all over their backs, it still wasn't embarrassing. Messy, but not embarrassing. When my kids were that age, I would watch other parents with their preschool and school aged kids and laugh (in my head, of course) at them as their kids ignored them, fought, screamed, cried...you know the deal. Little kids have sweet moments, but they can be TERRORS! Annoying terrors!

That's what my kids were today.

This is how they acted in front of people with whom Scott and I were talking and with whom we were on the verge of becoming friends. People with an eighteen month old boy. People who were probably thinking, "I'm glad MY kid doesn't act like that!" I guarantee, they'll never be our friends now! Who would want to be friends with someone whose kids dance with a beach towel spread out in the middle of an adult conversation, so that those involved in the conversation are bobbing up and down like groundhogs trying to make eye contact with the speaker? Or someone whose kids fight over the whale toy in the pool while simultaneously ignoring their parents' pleas to come to the edge of the pool to work it out? Or someone whose kids, after being asked to "take off your swimsuits, put on clothes, and come back to the pool" decide, instead, to stand at the edge of the balcony and scream? One child screams, "Why does everyone hate me?" while the other screams, "I can't take off my swimsuit by myself!" Then the older one tries to help the younger one with her swimsuit but instead of unlatching her swimsuit, she pulls her hair and more screaming ensues.

Agghhhh!

So mom politely says, "Please stop screaming and get dressed. Just pull the swimsuit over your head." Screaming continues. So mom takes a totally un-Love and Logic approach and threatens, "Go get dressed now or I'm coming up to spank you." Screaming continues. So mom, who has just returned from dropping the children off at the door to the condo, runs back up the stairs, taking two stairs at a time and trying to keep herself from having a heart attack out of stress and anger (while on a relaxing beach vacation) and bursts through the door. Before commencing with spankings, she has enough presence of mind to herd the children into the bedroom farthest from the pool and previously mentioned potential friends. Then she carries on with the spankings. Well, if one good smack per bottom counts as a spanking. She puts the children on their beds and leaves to make a strong drink.

Well, a shot. A large shot of tequila was the original plan. Then this mom thought better of it and turned it into a margarita. Which turned out to be blue because the only orange liqueur she could find in her rage happened to be blue -- imagine her surprise when she was expecting a regular margarita and ended up with a blue lagoon. (Don't worry, she found the Cointreau later.)

2 comments:

lucythevaliant said...

Good thing there were margaritas! But I'll bet no one thought badly of you for all this... the only time I ever feel judgy (and I know better then, too) about other people's parenting is when they just LET their kids run wild and don't do anything. As a teacher, I REALLY appreciate it when I see a parent enforcing their boundaries.

3boys247 said...

Luckily they were already in the condo and Scott didn't have to do that "Callie over his shoulder carried from the pool" move that he has down. : )

I am glad there was booze.

They sound like they were tired, too much sun and fun? I am sure no one was judging, it happens to all of us at some point.

I am sorry for the embarrassment it caused, but is it really too much to ask for pictures of the meltdown on the balcony. I am sure you had your camera at the pool. : )